Relationship Strata: Interest, Connection, Integration

Relationships are complicated person-magnets. Sometimes our charges fit and we attract; sometimes they oppose and we repel. But who exactly am I in a relationship with? Surly my mother, but the guy behind the counter? How does he rise to that level of commitment? If I only see him a handful of times in my life, why should I care?

Limited to your public-face, the null-state is where your interactions with people are casual and functional, generally fiduciary, neighborly, or logistically based. The moment we start to care, we leave the null-state and enter the strata. Initially, we find interest; maybe a friend, maybe a foe. We don't have to like someone to have a vested interest. When interest deepens, we form a connection. Our plans include each other. We coordinate meetings as friends; we meet on battlefields as enemies. Should we take this relationship to the ultimate level, we integrate, we bond without distinction. This is when war ends. This is when families form.

It is my theory that if there is life after death, some of us will choose seclusion and some balance. We will either disappear into our own world, or join the universe of others. If we choose to be with others, the scales of cause-and-effect must balance. This is a most simple, elegant, and symmetrical process. Our lives replay from the perspectives of all those we've affected. Our actions return to us in full. We have lifetimes of experiences to behold once we stop breathing. In a nutshell, when I die I will experience you reading this.

It's a fundamentally disturbing yet revealing notion. How will you treat others once you accept this possibility? It matters how you treat the guy behind the counter because eventually it will be you behind that counter. Whatever you say or do, you will feel exactly what he felt. You'll look through his eyes, hear through his ears. And if he's rude to you, you'll know why. When you no longer seek to protect your ego in every interaction but instead see each as an opportunity to spread the emotional state you prefer, you add to your treasure. A simple smile and considerate words go a long way in all of our lives. There are many moments we are completely unaware of that have had tectonic impacts on others. We have shown love to people and helped them in ways we will only know completely after we are no longer limited by the body.

Insuring our treasure is as simple as owning the relationship before us. Be present. We must also consider how our work and our habits affect the world as a whole, not just how they make us look to others. Polluters will account for their pollution; healers will enjoy their healing. When we consciously find everyone interesting, we are taking a step towards cultivating the benefits of future interactions. Connections are great, but have risks. Moving slowly and steadily is key. But integration is dangerous and beautiful. This is when soldiers disintegrate and companions become one.

If you want to integrate with someone, a single rule stands alone: never make it personal. We all disagree. We all have our point of view. How we negotiate the complications of life into a unified plan of action determines our success. When we stay on point, when we listen closely, express authenticity, and compromise for the greater-good, we overcome. Self-help strategies exist with varying degrees of effectiveness but can do nothing until clear boundaries and rules of engagement are set and kept. As long as a couple uses personal insults and character assassination to fortify a position, they will only succeed in one thing: destroying the connection and seriously limiting any future interest. When we personally attack our partner, what we are really saying is, “I'm done.” That's when it's time for space. If we can redefine our boundaries, we might just start over from the null-state and discover our interest again.

If you want to experience this idea as a narrative

read my short-story Aftermath.

For longer articles about all kinds of human-related things

read my primary blog jaxoncohen.blogspot.com

The Jarring Interruption That May Never End

Why do we observe Daylight Savings? What purpose does it serve? Will it ever end?

The answer: who knows.

Daylight Savings was conceived of independently by some guys who wanted to make the world a better place. One wanted people to spend more time in the sunshine. One wanted to save coal. But the guy credited with the idea (Hudson c. 1895) simply wanted more time after his shift to look at bugs. The assertion it was created so farmers could load the trains with their harvest on time is an urban legend. Fact is farmers hate it for the very same reason most of us hate it: it forces us to change our schedule. Fact is farmers schedule their time around the sun and trains still run according to the needs of those using them, including farmers. The reason we endure this sudden time-sift is purely the politics of big business.

England proposed this at the turn of the nineteen century because some rich guy felt his country was wasting time. Early to bed, early to rise? This all goes back to the forgotten reality of second sleep. Once we had lighting in our homes and factory jobs to attend, industry saw a way to further their bottom line: change the healthy way we'd slept throughout all of history and get us to work on time. They needed productive people making money, not sleeping people wasting daylight (their profits).

Before this, we'd go to bed with the sun, wake sometime during the night and bumble about. Then we'd go back to bed for a second sleep and rise with the sun. Electric lightning means we can stay up all night and thick curtains mean we can sleep all day. By the end of the nineteenth century, it was considered immoral, lazy, and of low character to sleep in. However long it takes to end Daylight Savings, let us be sure to end this illogical presumption about sleep now. The people we need to worry about are not the ones with a full night's sleep. In fact, sleep requires a certain state of mind. What we need to worry about is the cost of sleep-deprivation.

Ending second sleep was just the beginning. For countries far enough from the equator to experience great swings in sunrise and sunset, Daylight Savings has become a tool to readjust daylight in order to increase productivity. There are various arguments in favor. It saves energy. It reduces crime. It keeps kids safe, walking to school or riding the bus. It allows for more activity outside during summer months. Only this last point is valid. It hasn't saved money. The accidents avoided in fall occur in spring. Crime only slightly reshuffles but doesn't change. And yes, people are allowed to spend an extra hour at the park before it gets dark. However in the Internet age, this option is being exercised less often. Daylight Savings will never end as long as it is linked to children and energy.

Standard Time is the winter part of the calender. Ending this pointless interruption means it will be light at a time most of us are not awake. That is the great cost of this; we would have a 5 AM summer sunrise. It would be weird, hard to get used to. But at most, it would be no more annoying than having a 5 PM winter sunset. The secondary cost would be fewer hours of summer sun in the evening but that seems to matter to less and less.

On the other hand, the benefits to ending it would be many. One stands out: better sleep. Sleep is the most important thing we do for our health and learning followed only by diet and exercise. Sleep erases stress, heals injury, solves sickness, entertains us with sometimes odd, sometimes awesome stories, changes our perspective, and allows us to take on the day. Having to readjust our sleep schedule twice a year costs real money and lives. It's the interruption to our Circadian Rhythm that is the problem. The reason for the increasing number of accidents in spring is more about the lack of sleep than the lack of light.

There are two types of chronology: synchronous and asynchronous. Time is synchronous. Life is asynchronous. Time is segments. Life is events. Synchronous means getting to work at 7 AM. Asynchronous means getting to work when you are ready. The world runs on synchronous time. But with computers and networking, it is possible to overcome these shackles and use tech to overlay an asynchronous life onto the synchronous bed of time. Instead of getting to work at 7 AM, one day we'll have an app to get us there when we are ready and needed. Ending Daylight Savings is the first step to a healthier, more efficient world.